They wanted to know if there were other things that they could try.
This past weekend, I had a full workshop about Queering Your Sex Skills at the Southern Fried Queer Pride festival and it was absolutely great! I had a cute, young couple, one woman and one man who were in a monogamous relationship who had tried just about everything on my list of Erotic Activities. One of the things they hadn’t tried was polyamory; but that’s not the point of this story. They wanted to know if there were other things that they could try, especially because they tried everything on the list over the course of more than 10 years.
3 Strikes Rule
For those of you who know me, you know that I tell folks that I go by the “3 Strikes Rule” when it comes to my sex life. For me, I think you have to try things at least three times to get a full idea if you really like that particular sexual act or not. I had to tell them that as you age, your body changes, so things that you didn’t like 10 years ago you might find yourself liking now or vice versa; things that you liked before may not necessarily be the things that you like now.
As a sports fanatic (I’m currently teaching the Sociology of Sports at Clayton State University), I like sports comparisons. I came across this TED Talk that said that our whole lives we are socialized to compare sex to baseball, which is totally true in my experience! He said that we should think about sex like pizza, and although I get his point around sharing the pleasure and what this means, I still like my sports comparison. Besides, the name of this blog is “Build Your Sex Arsenal,” which isn’t the most feminine or surely doesn’t sound like it would have a pizza comparison. It’s about the tools you need to make your sex life terrific.
Sports & Sex
What was particularly fascinating though is that if I’m thinking about sports and sex, I could easily fall into the sports sayings trap. For instance:
- Baseball players always hit a home run.
- Basketball players score more often.
- Football players always get a touchdown.
- Hockey players know how to stick it.
- Soccer players always get the goal.
- And on, and on, and on… (I definitely encourage you to be creative to try to find your own.)
I, personally, could never get rid of the sports analogies. I think they are fun, and they really help people understand what I’m talking about in various contexts when it comes to sex, especially with my students (in my Gender & Sexuality class).
And I love thinking about how I’m always the star player when it comes to my sexual life. Athleticism is sexy to me, so if there’s anything that can be associated with that, I’m totally game. (You like how I did that?) On your mark; get set; GO! Cheers to your sexual success!