Not long ago, the rules and roles were crystal clear, and our social institutions with their prescriptive hierarchy had all the answers with little freedom to choose anything different — no more, and never likely to be seen again.
No, relationships are not obsolete. Rather, people are not prepared for the demands they require of us, and their expectations for what to “get from them” are exponentially higher than their competence at being in one and knowing what it takes to love someone.
The understatement of the day is that relationships are complex, and we are unprepared for the territory we now must navigate IF we want to experience real happiness and fulfillment from our intimate partnerships.
The Challenge of Modern Love
We are in a tsunami of disruption in romantic relationships, and there are no rules or guardrails to direct us any longer. Not long ago, the rules and roles were crystal clear, and our social institutions with their prescriptive hierarchy had all the answers with little freedom to choose anything different — no more, and never likely to be seen again.
Today, we have semi-organized chaos superimposed upon unparalleled demand for “what I want and deserve” alongside the emotional sophistication level of an adolescent to navigate the chaos.
The norm is unprecedented options and unlimited self-expression. Rules have been replaced by options, duties by choices, connectivity and belonging by freedom, and roles by a smorgasbord of models for how to love.
And, we are more dissatisfied and confused as a culture than ever!
Consider the impossible situation we put relationships in today:
- What we expect from relationships is at an all-time high.
- What we expect from ourselves and our skill and capabilities at knowing what you actually have to do to love someone is at an all-time low.
- The range of choices and access to alternative ways to meet people’s needs, given the advent of social media and digital titillation, is now unlimited 24/7.
- All embedded within a model of relationship that tells us “one person for everything” to meet all of one’s needs for a lifetime.
Good luck with that one!
Benevolent Neglect: The Common Cold of Modern Love
The common cold of modern relationships partly responsible for the divorce rate (over half fail!) is Benevolent Neglect. Without bad intent, we slowly euthanize love because most people simply don’t know “how to love,” which requires both science (skill) and art (presence). That means we kill it off and stop all possibility for love to thrive, largely to no fault of your own, but totally within your control to change IF you actually know what is required to love your partner.
Why? Because we do NOT take the time to commit to learn the skills and competencies to be successful in love and relationships. We delude ourselves into believing it “should be natural, and just come,” or “it will get better over time.” Both narratives are total bullshit.
Sad truth — are you ready?
No one (man, woman, or other) NEEDS a partner for marriage or any other arrangement in the modern world, because ALL of the reasons “why” people married or partnered in the past can and are being OUTSOURCED today. That’s a fact.
Think about it: We ALL can earn our own money and social status WITHOUT A RELATIONSHIP, provide for our own physical safety, hire cleaning people, call UberEats for food, go to the sperm bank for children, have nannies and nurseries raise the kids, and we can purchase companionship and/or any variety of sex and sexual arrangement imaginable, all WITHOUT A RELATIONSHIP.
Once these functions that drove relationships for generations were satisfied by transactional relationships in the modern world, their necessity was effectively eliminated, creating an existential hole large enough to drive a truck through.
Hmmm… it begs an important question.
Why Bother with a Real Relationship at All?
Why be married or in a committed partnership with a nagging, whiney human being?
There is ONE function that cannot be delegated, outsourced, or self-fulfilled by either man or woman (or, other combination), and that is real love. Love for each other. What we know is possible — a Soul Mate relationship where deep, trusting friendship lives alongside passion, erotic creativity, and great sex.
Yes, this is possible. And yes, most people are clueless about how to create this type of relationship.
We designed Soul Mates for Life™ Secrets of Relationship Mastery to share our own journey as a real couple in love who has struggled and mastered the brutal realities of real-life, and who have worked with real couples for over 30 years as licensed and certified relationship experts to do the same with great results.
We created Soul Mates for Life™ Secrets of Relationship Mastery to offer those couples committed to an extraordinary relationship a total “life hack” that will shorten your learning curve, and, in only two days, provide you with the foundational skills for how to love for a lifetime.
If there is no love, then really, why be in a relationship at all?
And, here’s where it gets interesting: most people are more adept at expecting — no, demanding — what they think they deserve and have a right to have from their relationship than they are at knowing how to be a partner capable of LOVING their partner.
We change that in two days through our Soul Mates for Life™ Secrets of Relationship Mastery Live Event Program!
Here’s what you can expect if you’re serious about learning How to Love:
Recharge… If you’re in a great relationship, it will become even better. Your takeaway will be how to sharpen the sword and keep your edge, ensuring your relationship stays strong, and discover strategies for deepening what you have.
Reset… If you’re in a good relationship that’s become a bit complacent and there are a few nagging issues that could be improved, you will learn new skills for how to break through those issues. Your takeaway will be renewed passion and motivation with a toolbox to take with you that will raise your standards and facilitate real change.
Redesign… If you’re in a challenged relationship that is struggling and you are tired of perpetual problems recycling and not getting better, your takeaway is to have a transformational experience and be equipped with new capabilities to design a completely different way of relating to each other.
If Not Now, When?
We often hear this:
“I’m too busy and have no time for a two-day seminar.”
Yet, we make time for EVERYTHING else except our most important priority — the human being we live with and commit to loving.
We know, and we get it. We, too, are busy, and yet, we value our love to the degree that we choose to make time regularly and invest in that love. There are only two ways to live: by your standards or your stories for what’s possible or not. Be careful which one you make priorities from. Standards deliver consistent results aligned with reasonable expectations; stories deliver nothing but excuses that allow you to blame the narrative for not having what you want. Vanilla. Chocolate. Choose!
For those who say “there’s no time,” we say this:
You can’t afford not to invest the time in your primary relationship unless you’re not serious about creating an outstanding partnership based on love for a lifetime. A devitalized relationship that leads to divorce will be more costly and time-consuming than investing two days in learning what, why, and how to love your partner and create the conditions for a love that lasts and delivers true fulfillment.
Soul Mates for Life LIVE IN MIAMI!
Join us in Miami, FL for a truly special opportunity at one of our Soul Mates for Life Live Events (go to www.soulmateforlife.us to find out when our next program is), where you will participate in a small, intimate group with like-minded people all on the same path — to master the skills and strategies for how to love deeply, trust smartly, communicate bravely, and love for a lifetime.
If not now, when?
Please join us for one of our live programs, and let’s design a future aligned with your values, goals, needs, and passion with your partner.
SEATS ARE LIMITED and do fill up quickly.
We look forward to meeting you in person!
Dr. Jay and Liseth