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Hello, everybody. I’m Alice Little — sex worker and educator extraordinaire — here to answer a question I am frequently asked: Why do couples visit the Bunny Ranch?
Reason #1: To Solve a Sex Problem
Couples who are in it for the long haul have many reasons for staying together: they may be best friends, they may have children, or they may have the ideal living situation that they’ve both always longed for. But, across the vast span of a lifetime, sexual hiccups can arise even among those who initially were utterly sexually compatible.
But let’s back up first: what if the sex has never been great? What if it’s the one missing link in an otherwise viable, caring, supportive relationship? Let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater here. If you’ve found the ultimate partner, but their oral skills are a little bit lacking, or their sensual repertoire is somewhat more limited than you were hoping, these are situations that a sex worker can help fix.
The root problem is not that your partner is deficient but that both of you have, in all likelihood, little to no comprehensive sex education. The American school systems prioritize safety, which is very necessary, but most sex ed completely overlooks pleasure — especially pleasure for folks with vulvas. Many of us grow up using pornography as a tool for education rather than entertainment, and from that porn, we learn some very poor techniques.
Sex workers who spend their careers problem-solving the orgasms of their clients will very likely have some ideas that even doctors or therapists have not suggested. Because necessity is the mother of invention, after all! A sex worker’s livelihood depends on their creativity and efficacy at dissolving blockages to arousal and orgasm. So, after they gain some experience, they become very skillful on both fronts.
Let’s say, for example, you or your partner — or perhaps both of you — suffer from erectile dysfunction. If you go to a regular doctor or therapist (which is often an excellent place to start), they will have suggestions for you to go home and try. But if there is an error in your method or the way they describe the suggested method, the only other option is often a pill. When you visit a sex worker for help with erectile dysfunction, we’ll get your backstory in addition to being able to watch you and help with a demonstration. The limitations in the medical and psychological fields can sometimes present a barrier to folks who have an easily solvable problem, but those folks can benefit from the help of a sex worker.
Or, let’s say your partner rarely gets you off from oral sex. I can watch the whole process — start to finish — and we can troubleshoot. Did your partner not pick up on your cues? Did you tune out in the middle? We can practice communication, sensual meditation to focus, better pacing to ensure the buildup doesn’t overwhelm you, and more. And when I watch, I can offer tips that will bring long-term sexual success for your relationship, very early on in our time together. These sorts of breakthroughs can take years in therapy.
Plus, I’m always on board to work with your therapist. I think that sex work and therapy pair very well together, as mental health and sexual health are two components of overall self-care. So, if you have been working with a therapist, I am happy to find out what topics you’ve already covered so that we don’t re-tread ground that has already been covered in hours of therapy.
Reason #2: To Try Out an Open Relationship
When people in long-term relationships consider opening up, it can feel like a big, risky step. What if one of you gets jealous? What if one of you enjoys it and the other does not? What if you run into sexual boundaries that you had never considered before? One of the most valuable services I provide is a very safe threesome. Safe, because not only do I do all the mental tabulation involved in making sure that everyone’s fingers have not been cross-contaminating by fingering multiple people, but I also take care of all the condoms, dental dams, lube, sterilization of toys, and more so that you don’t have to worry about a thing. But, I also make sure the environment feels safe for both you and your partner. I respect all boundaries and am happy to go as slow as you want to make the threesome emotionally safe for both of you.
Plus, if you run into feelings of jealousy, you don’t have to be embarrassed or bottle it up. We can just put the sexual activities on pause and talk about what issues are coming up for you before deciding to proceed. Because I can promise you this: I did not fall in love with your partner, nor did your partner fall in love with me. We are just having sex together, and it’s going to be great.
Reason #3: To Reinvigorate Their Sex Lives
The saying “life is short” is true in a sense, and yet, when you’ve found the person that you want to spend your life with, it can seem long. I don’t mean that in a negative way — because spending every day with someone and knowing what works is a good thing. You can’t always throw a wrench into an effective routine for the sake of keeping things interesting. But, you can learn some new skills that can fire up your sex life with your one and only.
For instance, erotic massage is one of the most sought-after services I offer. I can teach you how to massage each other, and you’ll go home having a new skill — a “weekend” sex routine that you both can look forward to all week, amidst the quickies. I can teach you tantric sex techniques, orgasm delay, or, kinkier yet, orgasm denial, that will infuse so much energy and anticipation into your sex life, you’ll feel the way you did when you first met. Or maybe even better.
Seeing a sex worker is a good reminder that as close as you are to your partner, and as well as you know them, they are still unpredictable, infinite beings. This is a brilliant realization for those in long-term partnerships, as the sexual spark can seem to fade as the mystery fades. But the mystery is never truly gone, and that’s something you’ll understand intimately if you watch your partner with someone new for the first time. You just have to shake up the routine to find that the mystery is still right there, waiting.
Final Thought: Timing is Key
Some of these problems have to do with technique. A little demonstration and the problem has been solved. Some of these problems are more deep-seated and will take time and exploration in order to fully put them to bed. Depending on what the individual couple’s situation is, some sexual difficulties will be best resolved by a series of appointments, and can’t necessarily be a one-and-done type of ordeal. The more time we can spend together, the better shot we have at making a life-long change.
Check out TheAliceLittle.com for more articles about sex work and sex safety, and to find out why I’m the #1 earning legal sex worker in America! Or, reach out to me directly and book some of my time at [email protected]
This article originally appeared in the November 2019 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.