By Taara Rose for ASN Lifestyle Magazine
In this edition of Women Wanna Know, Taara Rose answers a question about how couples can get over jealousy as they begin to explore consensual non-monogamy. She assures us that everyone turns green every now and then, no matter how long they’ve been in the Lifestyle. With her tips, couples can start to feel more comfortable expressing their feelings to each other, which is a huge step in managing jealousy in any relationship.
Q: So, I think my partner and I are ready to explore non-monogamy but I just don’t know how you get past one thing… jealousy! Do people get jealous? How do you deal with it?
A: Curious to know if we get jealous???
Well, the answer is YES!
We are human after all — and jealousy is simply another human emotion we get the chance to experience.
Jealousy does not make you “weird” or “bad at non-monogamy,” it’s how to choose to work through the emotions. It is important to acknowledge your feelings of jealousy. Stuffing them down, hiding them or ignoring them can only make things worse. Once we understand what we are feeling we begin to understand why and where this emotion is coming from.
Example: James just called me to tell me about his lunch with a friend. He kept telling me how cute the waitress was and I felt a little tingle of jealousy starting to build. I started to get short with him and wanted to end the conversation, but then I became aware of the feeling of jealousy coming over me and took a step back. I realized I wanted a compliment because I just had my hair done but James couldn’t see me so how can you compliment me??? I was able to navigate my jealousy and pull it back to a state of being grounded instead of feeling insecure and jealous.
Once we identify the trigger, we have a good discussion about it together. We provide a safe space in order to communicate our feelings safely and without judgment. Because we practice holding space, we are able to share with each other and evolve and learn more about ourselves.
Taara’s Tips for Managing Jealousy
- when you feel jealousy, analyze it instead of feeding it. Ask yourself where is this coming from?
- take a deep breath.
- instead of reacting and increasing the anger/annoyance/jealous feeling — RESPOND!
- if you need to say you’re feeling jealous to your partner, that’s OK, too! I’ve told James many times when I’m feeling jealous so we work through it together.
Bottom line — jealousy is normal! Use it to learn more about yourself and bring a greater sense of self-awareness.
Keep it sexy!
This article originally appeared in the February 2020 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.