Dominant Red Flag: Rudeness Toward Service Providers

This post is also available in: Nederlands English (Engels)

Dominant Red Flag: Rudeness Toward Service Providers

Good day, Friend. Kayteezee here, with part three of my series on red flags to notice if you’re considering a dominant. Red flag one is about accusing a sub of topping from the bottom. The second red flag is about safewords (or the lack thereof).

Red flag number three is simple and direct:

The person you are considering treats people in service positions rudely and/or with some kind of attitude of rubbing a dog’s nose in its own feces.

If you recall my suggestion in the last piece of taking things slowly and taking small bites, observing how the dominant you are considering behaves toward people in positions of service is, in my opinion, a useful and critical piece of information for you to glean.

Rude Behavior — Toward ANYONE — is Unacceptable

A couple of years ago, I was considering a dominant, and while we were at dinner one night, I observed that the table was wobbly. He grabbed a staff member by the arm (wasn’t even our server), brought the person over to the table, raised the volume of his voice, and proclaimed, “this is unacceptable! You need to fix this right now!”

I cannot tell you how quickly I devised a polite way to excuse myself from the dinner and never spent time with that person again. Perhaps he thought he was being chivalrous, but chivalry is an expression of morals and honor. For me, therefore, this person’s behavior toward that server demonstrated that he lacked morals and honor.

That kind of lack is a hard NO for me.

Why Does it Matter?

Well, if I’m going to be in service to someone — submitting to them — and they handle something that minuscule with such rage and rudeness, I am not willing to put myself in a position where I would be treated as such. Rudeness toward service people also, in my opinion, indicates a lack of patience, a lack of politeness, and a lack of compassion. Of course, your mileage may vary.

I should probably share here that I have a zero-tolerance policy around any kind of yelling, chastising, humiliation, and similar that are not pre-negotiated and part of a conscious choice in a dynamic, and that includes all relationships. Again, your mileage may vary.

Please consider joining me in being aware of the red flag of “being rude to people in service positions” if you are considering a dominant.

In service,


Laat een reactie achter

Uw e-mailadres wordt niet weergegeven. Verplichte velden worden middels * weergegeven