It’s worth it to take a look at sexual fads at times. A fad is an intense and widely shared enthusiasm, fetish, craze or compulsion for a certain form of collective behavior that develops within a culture or group, and is usually short-lived.
Much like the art of vajazzling, some fascinations are noticed and stick around for a bit and then fizzle away like they never happened, or do they? Are they a trick or a trend is the question, but whatever they are, it’s interesting or perhaps disturbing enough to shed some light on these.
This one hit me kind of by surprise, and I don’t blame you if you haven’t heard of it until now. “Swaffling” became a popular trend a decade ago. The term even won “Word of the Year” back in 2008. Swaffling means: to hit one’s penis repeatedly against an object or another person’s body, preferably the buttocks, legs, or breasts. Now you know!
Swaffling has apparently been a huge ongoing trend in Holland and Belgium in particular. One factor of vital importance for correct swaffling: the swaffler must have a so-called top-heavy penis, so not completely hard, but not too soft either. At the time of writing this article, I’m not sure if it’s still such a big hit. Many a black eye may have curbed the initial enthusiasm.
Stealthing seems to be in the news more recently. It’s the act of a man secretly removing the condom during intercourse without letting the partner know. Also deliberately putting the condom so that it would ‘innocently’ slip off, is considered a form of stealthing as well. This act of non-consensual condom removal certainly brings up a few questions for those in lifestyle circles.
Yes, there’s that, too. Initially, it was agreed to use condoms, but in the midst of play, puppy eyes sway you into removing the condom as that feels so much nicer for the one(s) asking.
As many of us girls were raised to be people-pleasers, it takes a steel armor and determination to not want to please, especially in these circumstances. This then leads to possibly stealthing yourself and your common-sense values as an individual and as a couple.
Stealthing in the Lifestyle
In lifestyle circles, where “no is no” is a golden rule which goes hand in hand with consent and respect, stealthing may actually be less of a red flag fad than what outsiders may expect. Where couples engage in consensual sexual activities together, and when physical health and hygiene is kept at a high level, this may not happen that often. Sure enough, if a guy or couple engages in stealthing others, sooner, rather than later, he or they’ll be an outcast. After all, word does travel fast in the world of swingers.
We’re all human, not ironclad, and immune to manipulation. Sometimes, we’re caught off-guard or unprepared to re-negotiate things in the heat of passion with a guy or couple. It is, per definition, already harder to stick to your personal barriers during mid-sex pressure. In addition, it’s no secret we display riskier behavior in a hot state of sexual passion, and we definitely can’t underestimate to what degree we’ll ditch our values, especially with a few cocktails in the mix.
It’s an eyeopener that this particular act of stealthing, though highly frowned upon, is not considered punishable yet in some countries, including the USA. So, it sure is something to watch out for while playing out there and to make sure you communicate your boundaries together and with your sexy friends.
So, How to Tackle This as a Unicorn or Couple?
Safe sex ranks super high among swingers for many obvious reasons, and so is keeping to your personal values and agreement between yourselves and others no matter what. It is, therefore, highly advisable to not enter a re-negotiation on condom use during sex.
By the way, most venues provide condoms, but I notice a trend that, due to liability issues, this is becoming less often the case. So, in any event, it’s best to rely on yourselves and bring the brand you like and trust with you when you go to sexy parties or are traveling to lifestyle events.
It’s common knowledge that the use of condoms is great but not foolproof, so making sure they are used properly before and during sex is essential. If you encounter a mid-sex negotiation on removing, you can simply state that this matter was discussed already and that it’s a take-it-or-leave-it situation.
Should you encounter a nice-guy stealther, it may be an idea to tell the person in question to just kindly “Swaffle” on.
This article had me pressing “Add to dictionary” a lot so, in my files, swaffling and stealthing whether trick or trend are there to stay; in real life, I’m admittedly not a fan of either.
The Travelling Goddess