Alice Little shares her tips on how to stay connected to your sexuality while in self-isolation.
By Alice Little for ASN Lifestyle Magazine
Hello, everyone. I’m Alice Little, a legal sex worker and educator, and I’m here to answer the most burning question on everyone’s mind: how can I have safe sex during social distancing? Well, I have lots of tips to up the safety factor — and the sensuality factor — no matter if you’re partnered, single, or even in self-isolation.
The number one question on everyone’s minds right now is how to have safe sex during a pandemic. Fortunately, there are many ways to do this if you’re willing to be creative and try something new! But before we get started on how to navigate sex during social distancing, we have to talk about risk and responsibility.
The best information we currently have about COVID-19 is that it’s not safe to be closer than six feet from someone else. If you live with your partner or partners, you may decide to continue having sex with them — because who wants a side of abstinence along with self-isolation during this strange and historic period? Keep in mind that if they are not practicing social distancing, you are opening yourself up to the risk of the virus. Even with masks, condoms, and other barriers in play, the virus is pernicious. Scientists have found lingering traces of the coronavirus last from a few hours to a few days (1), depending on the environment and type of surface. That means sharing furniture could mean sharing the coronavirus. So, yes, engaging in any form of in-person sex opens you up to a small risk of virus contraction.
If you’re a swinger or have other types of open relationships with more than one partner, you’ll have to do more than one check-in. The wider your circle, the more risk you incur of contracting coronavirus — though if everyone is practicing social distancing, the risk is still relatively low. Decide how to proceed based on your health history, tolerance of risk, and the feedback from your partners.
The sad fact is that, currently, there is no foolproof way to ensure that having in-person, skin-to-skin sex will be safe. But that’s the last of the bad news. The good news is that fun options for isolation sex abound.
Creating Sexual Closeness During the Pandemic
If you don’t live with your partners and you’re forced to be apart right now, this is your chance to try some new, creative sexual outlets. Consider your natural talents before deciding which might suit you. If you’re an avid reader, you might like sexting; if you’re a closet exhibitionist, you might like to try having sex on camera.
How to Start Sexting
If you’ve never had the opportunity to become a next-level sexter, now’s the chance to practice. Ask your partner if they are okay receiving explicit messages from you, and then air all of those pent-up sexual energies that have been weighing you down. If you feel nervous or awkward, that’s okay. You may not know what kind of sexts you like to send or receive until you engage in some trial and error. Reread your favorite sex scenes in books, so you get a taste of the tones and descriptions you like. If you love overt, in-your-face sexuality, then you might want to get right to business. If you prefer the metaphorical, understated sex scenes from classic literature, that’s also an option. Clue your partner in so that they don’t accidentally turn you off in the process. Most importantly: take your time. If your job and schedule allow, spend the whole day so that no one is rushed, and each text is carefully thought out.
How to Try Video Sex
Now’s the perfect chance to fire up the camera. Choose a webcam setup that you trust. If you don’t already own a webcam, some are readily available on Amazon for cheap — even under $20. Yet, splurging to buy some extra video quality might be worth it, especially if it will be used primarily for sexual purposes. Make sure you have a microphone, too, since sound is a crucial component of the whole experience. And then, book a date with your partner when you have plenty of time to explore sex on camera together.
Some people feel camera shy — or just regular shy — and these feelings can be heightened during video sex. Whatever you do, don’t go into “performance mode” where your focus is on trying to be sexy rather than trying to connect. When you’re performing, you’re not experiencing, and that’s less sexy for everybody involved. Sometimes it helps to mention if you’re feeling nervous because your partner might be nervous, too. But, at least you won’t have the added pressure of trying not to act nervous while simultaneously trying to enjoy video sex.
Don’t worry about crafting the perfect camera angle so that you look sexy in every frame. Rather, imagine yourself as an exhibitionist who is finally getting their debut. Take some time before the date to do whatever it takes to get in the mood. Light candles, read some erotica, have a glass of champagne, or get into the outfit that makes you feel the sexiest.
When the time comes, again, don’t feel the need to put on a persona. If you feel uncomfortable talking dirtier than usual, simply describe what you’re feeling. Or tell your partner what you’ve been fantasizing about doing to them in their absence. One of you could slowly undress for the other, and you can show them a detailed masturbation session.
Try Sex Toys Together
Finally, if you have the money, there’s no better time to invest in teledildonics (2). Teledildonic sex toys use technology to transmit sensations between two sex toys. It can make the sex you’re having across the city (or country!) feel virtually real. If you don’t have a partner, some of the toys can be synced with pornography for an incredible solo experience.
Mindful Masturbation Tips During the Pandemic
Those who don’t have partners may need something a little extra during social distancing. Isolation is tough. Spending the extra time you have trying new masturbation techniques or finding connection is vital for your mental health.
If you’re feeling lonely, reach out to some webcam performers (cam girls, for instance) online. The brothels are closed for now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t support other sex workers in the meantime! And webcam performers are incredible at making a personalized, fun experience for you.
Or, try edging during masturbation. Edging is when you bring yourself to the brink of orgasm and then take a little break. Not only can it help improve orgasm control, but it also can enhance the quality of your orgasm!
Lastly, indulge in sexual self-care. Try different forms of pornography — like audio porn or erotica, whatever sounds interesting to you that you haven’t tried yet. Don’t forget to take care of your pelvic floor. A strong pelvic floor can augment your sexual health and increase the strength of your orgasms. No matter your gender identity, Kegel exercises are good for everyone! Try sensual stretching or self-massage, and fluctuate the rhythms and types of touch that you use during masturbation. You finally have the time to learn something new about yourself, so use this to your advantage.
Check out TheAliceLittle.com for more articles about sex work, sex education, and to find out why I’m the #1 earning legal sex worker in America! Or, reach out to me directly to book some of my time at [email protected]
1. “New Coronavirus Stable for Hours on Surfaces”
2. “3 Sex Tech Innovations for People with Penises”
3. “Level Up Your Sex Life with Some Sensual Stretching”
This article originally appeared in the May 2020 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.