Brenna from Front Porch Swingers shares empowering and essential hotwifing advice in her new column, Hotwives’ Club.
By Brenna for ASN Lifestyle Magazine
It was fall of 2019 when I began digitally corresponding with a single gentleman from out of town. I usually don’t entertain guys who don’t live in our area (too many cheaters), but I found him fascinating. He spoke to me like an old friend would, cracking jokes and conversing with me on shared interests. He even offered up his Facebook profile to me after I made him aware that I was concerned that he may just be looking to get laid away from the wife or girlfriend while traveling to our area. Overall, I was excited about this guy. I knew it would only be a one-time thing (he planned to be here for about a week), but I figured there was definitely some potential for a little fun.
A few days into our lengthy conversations, I finally said to him (admittedly later than I should have), “Hey, we should probably discuss our hard limits. We really only have two: 1) You have to meet my partner, Brian, first and 2) I don’t play without condoms.” He responded back quickly, “Yeah, no problem!” I was relieved we had gotten the formalities out of the way, and I could now focus on the excitement of meeting him in person.
The day after he arrived in our town, we made plans to meet at one of Brian and my favorite places, a quiet cocktail bar in our downtown area. He arrived shortly after us, looking exactly like his photos, well dressed, and well-groomed. The three of us conversed over mixed drinks for a couple of hours, talking mostly about completely vanilla topics. I could tell from his slightly nervous energy that he was interested, but he didn’t make a move or overtly flirt with me. At one point, he excused himself from the table, and I made it known to Brian that I was definitely interested in spending some alone-time with this handsome gentleman. After what felt like an eternity upon his arrival, I found the courage to ask if he would take me back to his hotel room, and he enthusiastically agreed.
Brian dropped me off at the hotel after receiving the guy’s phone number and room number. I followed him from the lobby to his room, excused myself for a moment, and came back out to him in one of my very favorite pieces of lingerie. The sexy time escalated quickly, moving from kissing to licking to sucking. His hands were skilled in touching my body, hitting erogenous zone after erogenous zone and making my head swirl. After some lovely foreplay, I finally asked him to put on a condom…
… And that’s where the night took a serious turn
Within a few seconds of applying the condom, he went soft. No big deal; I offered to help him orally for a bit to get him revved back up. I then asked if he would put on another condom because I was READY! His sheepish look told me everything I needed to know even before the words came out of his mouth: “I actually can’t use condoms. I’ve never been able to successfully….” Hmm, well, that was an interesting turn of events. To add insult to injury, he followed that up with, “We still can, if you want to.”
I was instantly angered. After all, we had already had this conversation, and I had already made it clear that I do not play with condoms. It all clicked, and I realized that he knew my limit but was hoping in the moment that I would change my mind, that I would be hot and bothered enough to throw my boundary out the window. I didn’t budge. Instead, I quickly got dressed, texted Brian to pick me up, and left. Needless to say, I never spoke to the guy again.
A Lesson in Asserting Hard Limits
The situation was a pretty serious learning lesson for Brian and me. We decided that moving forward, our communication on hard limits would include more of a back and forth, asking first how the potential play partner feels about condom usage before we reveal that it is a must for entry with us. But I think an even more important issue was raised: What happens when someone attempts to push our boundaries? What is an appropriate response, and is there anything we can do to increase their level of understanding for better situations in the future?
As a hotwife (or a sexually active woman in general), I know how it feels to be pressured, both in big and small ways. When a woman is pressured by a sexual partner in an overt and obvious way, we look at the situation with outright anger. But there are many small ways to be pressured as well, some of which are imperceptible in the moment. An example: I played with a guy once that asked if he could spank me during sex. I told him yes, but asked him to start slow with me. He did, and everything was going well until he caught me just a little too hard on one side. I let out a high squeak, looked back at him, and said, “Ow, that one really hurt!” He smiled and said, “Sorry about that!” I expected that to be the end of the spanking, feeling like I had adequately expressed my feelings on the subject. However, a few minutes later, the spanking continued. It was softer and more measured, but it continued nonetheless. And I didn’t say anything.
Should he had done a significantly better job of asking for my consent in that moment? Absolutely! But this was a man I had known to be respectful and kind to me in every other situation. I’m confident if I had explicitly told him to stop spanking me in that moment, he would have. I didn’t, for what I now understand to be so many different reasons. I didn’t want him to think I was a stick in the mud, I didn’t want the sex and pleasure to stop, but most of all, I hated feeling like I was letting someone else down. In that moment, his fun and his desires became more important than my own.
Being a Hotwife is Empowering — Use Your Voice!
One important lesson I have learned as a hotwife is that my voice is powerful, especially in sexual situations. It took a long time for me to build up the confidence to voice my needs in all ways with my sexual partners, be it how to eat me out or how to show me respect. As a woman, I’ve always been so worried that expressing disdain or frustration with a situation does not make me a bitch, especially if it’s done in a constructive manner. Of course, there’s always the chance you’ll run into one or two “No Condom” guys, but having the conviction to stand your ground when you do will make all the difference in your hotwifing journey.
This article originally appeared in the June 2020 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.