Drama in the Lifestyle: Why it Ruins Everyone’s Night

This post is also available in: Nederlands English (Engels)

No one likes drama, but it’s especially invasive in the swinging scene when it crops up. Here’s what to watch for and tips to mitigate the spread.

By Partners ID for ASN Lifestyle Magazine

Nobody likes complicated things, and most people hate drama. As a rule, when it comes to swinging, it is no different.

Swinging is something people do for enjoyment. Going to a lifestyle event, hotel takeover, swing club, private party, or a lifestyle cruise are things people do for fun. If couples were looking for a complicated evening or vacation, they would make plans with their teenage children.

Most of the time, swinging is a fun way to spend a night. You get dressed up, you get cleaned up, and you are looking forward to a good time. Lifestyle friends are always up for a party, and it does not matter what the venue is.

A perfect night usually entails heading out to a party or club. Once there, meeting friends and people you do not know (and some you do), having a few drinks, and heading into a play area. Next, you try to find another couple (or single). Ideally, everybody plays, everybody is happy, and you leave.  That’s not so hard, right?

For many couples, it is simple; they have conversations about what works for them both. Usually, the problems begin when a couple does not communicate or one is not honest.

So, what causes drama in the lifestyle? Swingers are out to have fun. What could possibly go wrong?

Swinging Drama Triggers

Here are a few issues that make swinging more difficult than it needs to be:

  1. Someone is too drunk to play.
  2. One member of the couple is not interested, but their partner doesn’t seem to notice (or care).
  3. The couple is in a fight, but they try to find another couple anyway.
  4. One member of the couple is not a player; they just like to watch.
  5. The husband is full swap, and the wife is not.
  6. One of them gets jealous when they see the other play.
  7. They want others to touch them, but they don’t reciprocate
  8. One is pushing the other to do things they are not comfortable with.
  9. One engages with another couple without getting their partners approval
  10. One gets upset and leaves during play.

Not surprisingly, when couples find themselves in situations such as these, it ruins the moment — and sometimes the night.

Reduce Drama with Communication

How can you avoid ending up with couples who create drama? Unfortunately, except for someone being too intoxicated, it is hard to know in advance. Couples are not always upfront and honest regarding what they will and will not participate in. Not to mention the couples who say they are full swap and ready to play, and they are not.

To begin with, couples who enter a play area must communicate with each other and the couple they intend to play with. If one of you does not play, be honest and upfront. Pushing your partner into a situation that they are not comfortable with can never end well. Besides, couples who cause drama eventually do develop a reputation as such.

Like myself, most people are in the lifestyle to have fun. Swinging should be something you do for enjoyment. If you don’t enjoy it or you have a laundry list of rules, you’re better to stay home.

The bottom line, I love to swing, but only when it is simple.

ASN Lifestyle Magazine October 2020 Issue Cover

This article originally appeared in the October 2020 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.


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