How to Keep Role-Play Spicy — Even When It’s Virtual

By Alice Little for ASN Lifestyle Magazine

Hello everyone. I’m Alice Little, a legal sex worker and educator, here to help you get through the lingering pandemic in the sexiest way possible. 

COVID-19 has changed every aspect of many people’s lives, and unfortunately, that includes sex. Social distancing is vital for everyone’s protection, but it has put a major cramp in some people’s sexual routines. But just because you may not be able to see your partner(s) right now doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Virtual role-play is a fun way to engage your brain and your body at the same time — and it’s also a nice distraction from the ongoing pandemic. Best of all, with a little planning, it doesn’t have to be awkward or make you feel silly.

All the World’s a Stage

If you’ve never tried role-play before, getting started isn’t as intimidating as it seems. When you get right down to it, even during regular sex, we’re all playing a bit of a role. During your first sexual experience, you may have imitated something you saw in porn or a Hollywood movie because it’s natural to learn something new by replicating someone else’s behavior. Even sexual fantasies are versions of role-play, too, where we imagine ourselves trying something or someone new. You can harness your inner child who used to spend hours pretending to be a king or queen, superhero, or whomever it was that you found inspiring. With all that practice, it’s not that big of a stretch to bring role-playing into the bedroom, and you certainly don’t need a background in theater to get started. All you need is to know your partner’s limits as well as your own before you begin.

Try bringing the conversation up with your partner casually. If you’re worried about what roles to play, take a cue from the interests that you and your partner have in common. If you like Marvel movies, choose your favorite superhero or villain. If you’re into Halloween, try vampires or zombies and their favorite prey. You could even try keyholding role-play (like master or mistress and their pet or slave) by having a chastity device delivered to the wearer and the key to the keyholder. Looking for porn parodies of movies or TV shows can give you some ideas of how to recreate a theme on a shoestring budget. There are no limits except your imagination, boundaries, and what turns you on — but it’s good to get outside of your comfort zone a little bit. That’s where all the best sex happens.

For those who’d like some practice before trying virtual role-play “in real life,” opportunities abound online in role-playing communities. Many games have sexual aspects if you seek them out, but don’t forget to ensure that everyone involved is above the legal age of consent. By practicing role-play online, you can get your feet wet before you do it with someone you know.

Making It Feel Realistic

We’re in an ongoing pandemic where social interactions are still fewer and further between than ever before, so now is not the time to cut corners during sex. Making your role-play feel real is essential to getting the most out of it. Turn off the little voice inside your head saying that trying hard is not cool. During role-play, trying hard is critical to the fun. So, do whatever it takes to relax and get into character. Create separation between your work self and your sexual self by putting some time between your busy workday and your date. That way, you can relax, take a warm shower, have a glass of wine, and engage in any activities that will help you have a carefree and sexy time.

Most video call apps have options to change your background. Not only is this good for hiding your messy bedroom during the millionth Zoom meeting, but it’s also perfect for adding an element of realism to your role-play. You can easily search for instructions on the Internet on how to customize your background for your chosen app, and then add something that’s pitch-perfect for your scene. 

Consider the backstory, too. The more thoroughly fleshed out and distinctive your character is, the more real it will feel to you and your partner. So, don’t just pick “mermaid,” without thinking of how a mermaid would feel both emotionally and physically. 

If you have the time and money, grab some props and a costume as well. Even though your partner won’t be able to smell the same smell if you light a coconut candle to add to your beach role-play, it will enhance the scene for you, which is important. Plus, you can always splurge and buy the same candles as your partner to create a sense of connection. If you’re making an adult version of The Little Mermaid, a mermaid bikini and tail, some sailing clothes, and even a Spotify “sounds from the sea” or “shipwreck” playlist can help your scene feel real. If you’re role-playing a witch or wizard, find a cloak, magic wand (the vibrating kind would be perfect), perhaps a poison apple or book of spells, and an unsuspecting bystander that you can prey upon — otherwise known as your partner. A bubbly potion (like champagne or your favorite flavor of sparkling water) and some spooky music would complete this scene. When deciding on props to use during your playtime, consider all five senses and try to incorporate as many as is reasonable.

Keeping Role-Play Electric

Just because you have a tried and true role-play scenario doesn’t mean you shouldn’t branch out. In fact, branching out can give you a clearer picture of what it is about role-playing that you enjoy. Is it the power exchange (if there is one)? Is it a sense of fantasy and escape? Is it being able to express yourself sexually and creatively at the same time? The more variations you try, the better you’ll get to know yourself — and your partner. 

Try some new roles that feel vastly different from your real life. If you are typically a worrier, play a role that feels heroic. If you are soft-spoken and easygoing, consider being dominant. If you usually stick to classic scenarios like teacher and student, nurse and patient, cop and robber, try something more bizarre like Cthulhu and the sailors who need to defeat him, or a unicorn and a unicorn tamer. Playing with new themes and power dynamics will open up new avenues of chemistry and erotic exploration that you may have never discovered before. Nuance and novelty are at an all-time premium, especially during the pandemic, when new experiences are more difficult to come by than before. Being spontaneous and innovative in bed can be a breath of fresh air as we endure the rest of this period of social distancing.

Check out TheAliceLittle.com for more articles about sex work and sex education, and to find out why I’m the #1 earning legal sex worker in America and an internationally acclaimed BDSM presenter! Or, reach out to me directly to book some of my time at [email protected].

This article originally appeared in the October 2020 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.