Brenna from Front Porch Swingers & Sex on Your Terms shares some insight on size queens within hotwifing communities.
By Brenna for ASN Lifestyle Magazine
I recently saw a discussion on Reddit regarding hotwives and their perceived preference for larger penises. And it’s had me thinking a lot about the concept of a “size queen” and whether it’s acceptable to be one or not.
A size queen, for those not familiar with the term, is a woman who seeks out male partners for sexual encounters that have above-average or large penises. These women have come under a lot of scrutiny, including in this Reddit thread. But it had me wondering: Is having a preference for a large penis somehow different than having a preference for a different body part? And if so, how?
Alright, personal opinion time. I don’t like the ways in which a lot of hotwives prioritize physical appearance. It is especially cold to me when it’s listed on their online bios, i.e., “If you are a single guy who doesn’t have a six-pack and at least a seven-inch cock, please don’t message us.” While I understand that everyone has their preferences and different attractions to different physical features, I also believe that prioritizing said preferences over positive personality traits is damaging. I often think to write these women and say, “How would you feel if a guy didn’t want to sleep with you because of the appearance of your labium?”
Words from a Proud, Self-Proclaimed Size Queen
Instead of launching into an argument, I decided to reach out to a self-proclaimed size queen on one of the swingers’ dating sites. I didn’t want to simply rely on my own opinion for the purposes of this article. Krystal, as she has chosen to be called, was very forthcoming with her reasons for advertising her preference for large penises. Her bio, shared with permission, reads, “I’m a size queen. I like them big. The bigger, the better. After all, if you aren’t bigger than my hubby, what’s the point? Questioning whether you’re big enough for me? You probably aren’t.”
I asked Krystal why her bio reads this way and what her feelings are on many lifestylers disagreeing with her advertisement of herself as a size queen. Krystal wrote, “I’m not ashamed of being a size queen. It’s just something I prefer, much like people prefer certain body types. I have seen on MANY profiles that say things like, ‘We only play with fit couples.’ How is that any different than me saying I only play with well-hung men?”
She went on to explain that although she and her husband describe themselves as a stag/vixen couple, he has a bit of a cuckold side in that he prefers for her to play with men that are larger than himself. Therefore, her playing with someone smaller or the same size is simply not of interest at this time. And that was something I could wrap my head around.
In the BDSM world, many rope riggers (those looking to tie others up in bondage) will seek out tiny rope bottoms (those who will be tied up). Ads will read, “Please be a size 4 or smaller,” or “Only interested in women who weigh less than (insert weight here).” Now, most of these same riggers would happily play in other ways with larger individuals, but they seek out small bottoms specifically for the purposes of this type of play. It is easier, after all, to tie up and suspend someone that weighs 100 lbs versus 200 lbs. This, in my eyes, doesn’t make them shallow or rude; they simply prefer or even require smaller bottoms for the purposes of the acts they are looking to perform. I relate this to Krystal’s size preference: If she didn’t have a husband with a proclivity for sharing his wife with hung men, she likely wouldn’t be so caught up on the size. But she does, so she is.
Another Hot[wife’s] Take
I also spoke with a friend in the lifestyle, an experienced hotwife, that has multiple times told me how much she dislikes the concept of size queens. In her eyes, this hyper-focus on men’s penis size results in a transactional nature in the lifestyle and makes it more difficult for hotwives and their play partners to really connect. In her words, “To me, it’s very similar to a man reaching out and asking my cup size. The moment I believe he sees me as nothing more than a sex object, I see him as the same. There is no longer an opportunity for a true connection, and that’s something I personally can’t accept, even in a purely sexual situation.”
I asked this friend if she had a preference when it came to penis size, and her response was quite thought-provoking for me: “Of course I do. I believe most women have a preference. But I don’t advertise that all over my profiles. And I certainly don’t eliminate awesome, respectful men who don’t have the size I most prefer.” And I think she’s probably correct; most women do have a preference. However, that’s not what I’m trying to decipher here. The question at hand is, should hotwives or swinger couples be upfront about their penis preferences?
Taking a Humanistic Approach
So here’s where I stand on it, after two very different discussions with two fantastic ladies: Having a preference isn’t the issue. Even seeking out men with a certain size penis isn’t the issue. The real problem is when penis size is the ONLY determining factor in whether a hotwife engages with a man or not. I believe whole-heartedly that men packing small or average-sized penises have a lot to bring to the table (or bedroom), and treating them otherwise is simply unacceptable. I also believe, much like Krystal said, that we all have things we seek out physically in our playmates. I think it’s all about the delivery of that preference.
In other words, lifestylers, let’s be more human. There are elements of the lifestyle that lend themselves to prioritizing physical appearance, and although that’s totally OK, it shouldn’t be at the expense of connecting with people that might be able to bring something wonderful and sexy to your world. I’m curious, what are your thoughts on this? Shoot me an email at [email protected] to share your opinion or comment below.
This article originally appeared in the October 2020 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.