Sex Therapist and “Connoisseur of Dicks” Stephanie Sigler schools us with these phallic facts.
By Stephanie Sigler for ASN Lifestyle Magazine
As a woman in the lifestyle, one of the most exciting aspects is the element of surprise when undressing a man for the first time; you never know what you’re going to get! As a connoisseur of dicks, every dick is beautiful, every dick is different, and that is normal. As a sex therapist, I have many penis-owning clients come to therapy because they are embarrassed that their Johnson is not “good enough,” and they are afraid to have a romantic relationship for fear of disappointing their partner(s).
Did you know that ¹85% of penis owners OVERestimate the average size of other penises resulting in unnecessary self-doubt? Many men who have insecurities about their bodies feel like women are judging them, but in reality, if a penis is not what one might have expected when you strip down for the first time, don’t freak out because there are so many ways to satisfy a partner with the other amazing tools / toys you have within reach. Unfortunately, many men are too ashamed to ask questions or try new things because they are afraid of rejection, so they refrain from having sex altogether. At Evolve Your Intimacy, we want to help men, and women, find their confidence as well as educate everyone on how to have great sex — regardless of the size dick you’re packing.
What is the ‘Normal’ Size Dick?
First, there is no ‘normal’ size dick, but this is a very common question that men, and many women, have asked me through emails or workshops. Due to the misconception that the average size dick is 6 inches, research shows that one in five men are unhappy with the size of their dick; however, contrary to societal belief, a ²2020 research review found that the average length of an erect penis is not 6 inches.
Let’s explore some common characteristics of a penis as well as how and why they each have a unique appearance.
Length & Girth
A study with more than 15,000 men worldwide found that there is very little fluctuation in penis size. While the researcher collected data globally, most research studies are focused on Caucasian men, which tells us that more research needs to be conducted using a more diverse pool of participants. However, the study did indicate that the average length is between 5.1 inches and 5.5 inches, with the average girth for a flaccid penis measuring 3.66 inches and 4.59 inches for an erect penis.
Possibly contributed to pornography, many men believe that the average erect penis measures 6 inches long, but as stated above, they are incorrect. Imagine that — a man is wrong! (This was written by an amazing woman with a great sense of humor.)
Truth Bomb: Having a large penis, greater than 7 inches while erect, or a micropenis, less than 2.5 inches erect, is rare. Approximately 5% of men have large dicks, and about 5% of penis owners have an erect dick shorter than 4 inches. If you are insecure about the size of your dick, more than likely, it is all in your head — the head on your shoulders, not your pants.
Contrary to popular belief, it is very common for an erect penis to have a slight curve, either to the right or the left. Many women thoroughly enjoy a slight curve to a penis because it fits their anatomy perfectly!
“When the penis is curved either to the left or to the right, it can contribute and enhance some internal stimulation, such as stimulating the G-spot,” explains Moushumi Ghose, the author of ‘Classic Sex Positions Reinvented.’
If you have a more significant curve, which might or might not cause you pain or result in difficulties during sex, I recommend going to see your doctor. Significant curvature or a bend in a penis can indicate Peyronie’s disease. According to the ³Urologic Surgeons of Washington, “Peyronie’s disease is a common problem (approximately 5%) seen mostly in middle-aged men, and often has as much of a psychological impact than a physical one.”
Circumcised vs. Uncircumcised
Circumcision is a distinctive character when it comes to the overall look of a dick. An uncircumcised penis still has the foreskin, which covers the glans (head of the penis), while an uncircumcised penis has had the foreskin removed, leaving the glans exposed. It is completely normal for an uncircumcised penis to have some moisture on the glans, and a circumcised penis will have a dry glans.
Bigger Isn’t Always Better, and Smaller Isn’t Always Bad
Larger than average penises have been linked to a higher risk of injury and infection, as well as the larger size can make for very uncomfortable, if not painful, moments for the receiver of a said large penis. A larger girth can cause tearing around the vaginal opening and anus, and depending on the size of the mouth, oral can be uncomfortable for both the receiver and the giver. As always, there are workarounds that can create pleasure and enjoyment for all parties involved when confronted with a larger-than-average dick. Listen to your body and be open about pain tolerance at the moment.
A smaller penis is easier to handle, leaving more time for pleasure instead of trying to figure out how you are going to get THAT in THERE without crying. Oral pleasure is more enjoyable for both parties with smaller penises, and when it comes to backdoor activities, a smaller dick is more manageable for some (dare I say most).
I would be lying if I said that size doesn’t affect your game; however, it is HOW you allow it to affect your performance that matters most. I have experienced, seen, and heard about those with larger dicks neglecting foreplay and jumping straight to the main course because they feel as if having a large dick is all they need to be good in bed. Penis-owners with smaller dicks may allow their insecurities to get in the way, deplete their confidence and overcompensate in other sexual ways without listening to their partner’s body.
Fun Fact: Some of the best sex I have had throughout my life has been with men with average to smaller-sized dicks who took the time to listen to my body and provide pleasure using all available resources they had around them or attached to them.
Maximize Your Tools
The size of your dick should not matter as much as HOW you use it to maximize pleasure for yourself and your partner. If you have a larger dick, you must ensure your partner is very aroused before penetration because being highly aroused will help them take your beastly boner easier.
Pro Tip: Lube Lube Lube! Always have lube nearby when playing to prevent injury to either involved party. And try positions that allow your partner to determine how much cock they can handle, such as having them on top.
For those who feel as if your penis falls on the smaller side of the spectrum, I encourage you to try positions that allow for more depth, like doggy style. Add a toy for increased sensation, use your fingers to reach “the spot,” or indulge in oral sex. The possibilities are endless if you get out of your head and focus on the beautiful being wanting to receive the many gifts that you have to offer.
Being a rockstar in bed, or any fun place you choose to play, isn’t about the size of your penis — it is about how you choose to handle it emotionally and physically. If you feel that your size is holding you back, explore with your partner(s) and find your sexual confidence! There is nothing sexier than a confident man in bed! Now, go out and get laid!
By Certified Sex Therapist Stephanie Sigler NCC, CST, LPC, Phd ABD
Mondaini, N, et al. “Penile Length Is Normal in Most Men Seeking Penile Lengthening Procedures.” International Journal of Impotence Research, vol. 14, no. 4, Aug. 2002, pp. 283–286, 10.1038/sj.ijir.3900887. Accessed 7 Mar. 2022.
King, Bruce M. “Average-Size Erect Penis: Fiction, Fact, and the Need for Counseling.” Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, vol. 47, no. 1, 15 July 2020, pp. 80–89, 10.1080/0092623x.2020.1787279.
“Peyronie’s Disease.” USW, www.dcurology.net/common-problems/peyronies-disease.php.