Mommy, What’s a Swinger? How to Talk to Your Kids About the LS

The first step is becoming comfortable with the topic yourself.

As a clinical therapist, several clients brought this situation to me many times. We may encounter several different types of people in this situation: children, teenagers, young adult kids, parents, and friends. So let’s talk about each of these categories along the way. Maybe I’ll share a couple of funny situations and stories that I’ve run across in session or perhaps even experienced in my own life.

1. Take a Deep Breath and Remain Composed: Responding calmly will create a safe space for your child to express themselves and encourage further communication. Children are great at reading all aspects of communication, i.e., body language, tone, and expression. Get comfortable with yourself and your partner in talking about these things.
2. Consider Their Age and Understanding: Tailor your response to their maturity and comprehension level. For example, younger children may require simpler explanations, while older children may have a greater capacity to understand nuanced concepts.
3. Be Honest and Transparent: It’s important to be truthful with your child. However, you can provide an answer that is appropriate for their age without divulging explicit details. For instance, you could say, “Some adults choose to have different types of relationships than what you typically see. Our relationship is different from that, but it’s important to know that people have different ways of being in relationships.”

   I remember my 16-year-old daughter coming home from work one day and saying, “Dad, my manager thinks you guys are swingers. My reply was, “Oh, really, why is that?” She said, “Because you guys had a house party, and all of his kids went to a different house for a kid party.” My reply was that I believe it’s important for adults to have adult time and that kids don’t always need to be around adults all the time. I continued with I don’t think kids need to be around adults when they indulge in drinking or cutting loose and being uninhibited at times. Then I asked my daughter what she thought a swinger was. I made a statement, “I am curious about your manager’s thought process and where she gets these ideas.” The conversation never really developed any deeper on a personal level; it just stayed more informational. I ended with, “Fun talk! You know you can always ask me anything.”

4. Use Age-Appropriate Language: Use language that your child can understand and relate to. Avoid jargon or explicit terms that might confuse or overwhelm them. Instead, focus on conveying the idea that relationships can be diverse and that it’s important to respect different choices.
5. Emphasize Love, Trust, and Respect: Reassure your child that the foundation of any relationship, including yours, is built on love, trust, and respect. Explain that adults have the freedom to make choices about their relationships as long as it involves consensual and respectful decisions.
6. Encourage Questions and Open Dialogue: Let your child know that they can ask any further questions they may have. Reiterate that open communication is valued in your family and that you’re there to provide guidance and support.
7. Respect Personal Boundaries: If you feel uncomfortable discussing certain aspects of the swinging lifestyle or believe it is not appropriate for your child’s age, it’s acceptable to set boundaries and explain that some topics are meant for adults to discuss among themselves.
8. Seek Support if Needed: If you find the conversation challenging or believe your child would benefit from further guidance, consider consulting professionals, such as family therapists or counselors, who specialize in child development and family dynamics.

Remember, every family and child is unique, so adapt these suggestions to fit your particular circumstances. The goal is to maintain trust, promote open communication, and help your child understand that relationships come in various forms, emphasizing values such as love, trust, and respect.

We want to take a moment to advise you that these articles are informational and psycho-educational, meaning that they were designed to serve as teaching and guidance for you and are not couples therapy. If you wish to pursue counseling, we suggest that you visit the Art of Loving Center website at artoflovingcenter.com or by clicking our banner below.