How Do We Compete!
Most people getting into or thinking about the lifestyle are very nervous! Being nervous is normal. You are not alone if you think you are too young, too old, too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall or not able to keep up with other sexually active couples, etc.
Everyone feels self conscious about some part of their body, age or performance and thinks, “How can I compete with other males or females, if they all look like the pictures on the Internet?”. It is a very fair and reasonable question. Reality in swinging is a great leveler of those who think too high of themselves and others who have doubts about their looks or performance. Swingers come in every age, size, shape, colour, etc. that you could imagine. Most swing couples would never dream of having their pictures put on the internet! Many couples have sensitive jobs or are well known in their community.
Most pictures of couples or singles on the internet are paid professionals or paid amateurs with a few voyeurs thrown in for good measure.
All of us are human and all the rules of aging, gravity, child birth, operations, accidents, occupation and many many more apply to all of us in some way or another. No one person is perfect and all these differences in age, size, shape, colour, religion, performance, attitude and much more is the spice that makes swinging so much fun. If all of us looked and performed the same, life and sex could get very boring. Some couples will advertise for the perfect couple or (Ken & Barbie). When they find the perfect looking couple, they usually find that something lacks in attitudes or sexual performance. Looks are important for sexual attraction, but everyone is attracted by different shapes, moods, smells etc. just to name a few. Every couple has something different to add to the swinging lifestyle and if they are open and adventurous they will receive a great deal of fun from it.
There Is No Competition!
Swinging is primarily a couples sport and is a sharing of yourself with other consenting adults. There is no Olympic sport for swinging that we know of. You need to change your thinking from, “How do I compete?” to “How can I share myself with others?”
Many women who are new to the swinging lifestyle are very shy or nervous with showing their bodies in front of others. Most women in the lifestyle are married with children. Giving birth to children changes the shape, breast size and weight of almost every women. Gravity and aging make many women feel self conscious. All of these fears and concerns literally melt away for almost every women once they meet and get more comfortable with the other ladies in the lifestyle. No matter what your age, size, shape etc., you will find other women older, bigger, etc.. When other men start approaching them at clubs and find them very sexually attractive, their confidence builds rapidly. Women actually adapt to the swinging lifestyle much quicker than most men do.
Many men who are new to the swinging lifestyle are nervous about their body weight, penis size and being able to satisfy other women. Most men in the lifestyle are married with children. Age, gravity and job occupation can change body weight, skin texture and stamina etc. Many men are self conscious about someone being bigger and better than he is with his partner. It does take much longer for men to adapt to the swinging lifestyle than it does for women. Many men get reluctant to share their wife with other male partners. These fears and concerns or (jealousy) do go away once they realize that they are sharing, not taking. Some ladies are more sexually turned on with a small penis, or cuddling, or cunilingus etc. Men need to trust their partners and feel they have a lot to contribute of themselves to other ladies.
It is VERY IMPORTANT that you enter swinging at a comfort level that makes both of you feel at ease. There are typically three types of clubs available for swinging. You have On-Premise clubs, Off-premise clubs and clubs that are in the middle of both of these.
Off Premise clubs are a very good entry level for couples who are very nervous and are not sure where they want to go in swinging. You will be able to do as little or as much in the activities that the club offers.
Mid level clubs are great for couples who really want to get adventurous, let their hair down and see what happens. If you are a very sexually active couple and want to play and meet like minded couples for sex, showing off, etc., the mid entry club is a great starting place.
On-Premise clubs are great for couples who are interested in the sexual aspects of the lifestyle and both excited about sharing their partner in a full sexual contact environment. If you are not sure if you want to play sexually with a different partner, an On-Premise club is the worst place to start. New or First Time couples can start at any club level they want, but it is important that both of you are equally prepared to play to the level of the club. Every club will have some sort of screening process to help make sure you are prepared for the clubs activities and will enjoy them.
Fantasies Are Fulfilled!
New couples are always surprised to see their partner let their hair down at a sexually active party. Many couples get very familiar with their partner in any relationship or marriage and are sometimes very shy to ask their partner to treat them different sexually. It is very important to let your partner know what your fantasies are, BEFORE you attend any clubs or parties. We have seen a number of ladies over the years come to their first party ever and get so hot and horny letting any body or every body play and have sex with them like a horny slut, to the surprise of their partner. In almost every case, the lady had a fantasy to act and be treated like a sexy slut with several men or women, but these fantasies are very hard to accomplish in a partnership of two people.
We see couples fulfilling fantasies at every party we have ever attended. It is this variety of sexual play with different people or groups of people that makes swinging so appealing for sexually active couples. Most sexually active couples have tried many different sexual acts at home, but after a period of time the sex becomes routine. Every couple we know of that has enjoyed attended swing clubs or parties will tell you that the sex at home becomes renewed and exciting. Bonds between most couples get stronger and a genuine desire to help their partners fulfill sexual fantasies get discussed, put into planning and fulfilled.
We do our best to help new and experienced couples fulfill fantasies at our club or by connecting couples with couples who have similar interests or desires. Lets face it, if we have a member couple into making home sex videos and you ask us for the same, we love connecting the two sets of couples together. Many ladies are eager to try their first BI experience. This is very easy to accomplish, since the majority of our member ladies are BI.
It is also very exciting for us to help new couples have their first threesome or foursome etc. Many experienced couples have not done it all either. There are always new fantasies to try and every person plays different sexually.
New couples that are entering swinging for the first time will go through many different feelings. No matter how prepared you may feel you are, it is just a fact that all the new experiences with other people will make you feel happy, sad, horny, sexy, jealous, scared, intimidated, excited, tired, exhausted, angry, anxious, adventurous and many many more.
The more you learn about the lifestyle and discuss all the possibilities before jumping in will benefit both of you and the first few experiences in the lifestyle will be much smoother. That is why you read about communication being the key ingredient for couples enjoying the lifestyle. When you share each other in swinging, you are sharing your inner most feelings and desires with other people. In some situations you will hear couples comment “I did not know you liked doing that.” or “You never did that to me before.” or “I can’t believe you are acting like that.”.
When you get together with another couple for the first time, their is a strong desire to make the other person feel the best and to put on your best performance. Sometimes you see this when you are in a crowd of people, that your partner will act different in a crowed party or family gathering compared to being very demure or quiet at home. The same is true at swing clubs or parties, couples are surprised to see their partner act differently for another person and this can bring on different feelings of excitement or jealousy. Most couples handle these new feelings really well. Most couples will discuss their feelings at home, change a few rules between each other or clear up a few rules or ideas about swinging. A few couples will get very angry or upset, some will even throw a temper tantrum, usually from the feelings of “She is having lots of fun and I am not.”.
Here is a VERY IMPORTANT tip for those of you that are feeling upset or jealous watching your partner get sexually active with a different partner for the first time. If you are unable to get your focus away from the enjoyment your partner is having, it is important that you join in and share the excitement your partner is enjoying by making it a threesome. It is great if there is a foursome going on, but in a number of cases, one partner will get active before the other and some people can get very jealous quickly. Ask yourself if you would get very upset seeing your partner have sex with a different partner, if this does not excite you in any way, you need to take smaller steps into swinging with such things as erotic dancing, light fondling, soft swinging etc.
Swinging is not for every couple. Swinging is best enjoyed by couples who have an EQUAL desire to play sexually with other couples. When couples have an unbalanced desire for sex or one partner is pushing the other into the lifestyle, the results are often very upsetting for both partners. We have seen the best transition into swinging by couples who were both very sexually active at home with each other and have an equal desire to please the other sexually. When couples have this balanced libido, it is much easier for both of them to share themselves with others with a great sense of excitement. We have never seen age as a factor to successful swinging. Couples come into swinging at all ages from 18 to 60+ and in every case they all make the transition to the swinging lifestyle very well. A big factor of success has a great deal to do with how well the couple communicate and share ideas.
After The Lovin
There are many changes that happen after your first experiences at a swing club or party. Many men will tell you that strip clubs do not appeal to them the way they did in the past. There is a big difference to a performer dancing for her paycheck and sexually active females playing with you for the enjoyment of showing off or having sex.
Sex is never the same way at home again. The reason is simple, all the new experiences change the way you perform with your partner and the excitement and the recalling of sexual encounters while having sex brings the enjoyment of sex much higher for both of you.
Previous thoughts of “How do I compete with the other men or ladies?” will change to “When is the next party?”, “What will I wear to show myself off?”, or “I hope some of the new couples we met will have sex with us at the next party!”. Almost every couple has concerns about competing with others before they join the swinging scene. Almost every couple has NO concerns about competing after they have attended a swing club or a swing party. Most couples will feel very comfortable with themselves after seeing how normal and comfortable other couples are around them.