Convince your partner to swing
Before we discuss this subject, we must remind you that you cannot cheat or force your partner to swing. Too many people have an unhappy relationship and try to turn their partner into something they are not. You’ll have about the same success rate in “convincing” your unhappy partner to be a swinger. You’re not going to convince them to change who they are, and trying to deceive someone is a super fast way to have a bad time.
The previous section is for people, who are interested in asking their partner to join the swingers lifestyle, and for women, who might look it up discreetly. Gasp… what do we mean? Women? Yes, that’s right, women can also have a healthy sex drive! Swinging wouldn’t be so much fun if it weren’t, so get over it. Often it’s actually the lady who introduces the swing to her husband. If you want to learn how to introduce the possibility of swinging to your sex-positive partner so you can communicate openly about your preferences, keep reading.
So how to start…
Hope you have a great relationship. You love your partner and the sex is great. Maybe you watched a movie and saw a swinging scene and now you wonder what it would be like. You’ve been thinking about it for a while and you think it would be great for your relationship. So how do you start the swingers conversation with your partner? Careful, very careful!
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Didn’t our kindergarten teacher say that honesty is always the best policy? First of all – this isn’t kindergarten. Secondly, honesty can be good, but too blunt isn’t helpful. If you bring the swingers lifestyle to your partner, some confusing and disturbing thoughts might go through their heads. Here are some of the more common lifestyle landmines you need to carefully disarm, or risk damaging your relationship.
Disarmed swingers worry
Jealousy. – When you love someone, you appreciate them enormously. It is very natural to be jealous when you are asked to share what you love most in life. If they weren’t a little jealous of swinging, they might wonder how much they really cherish you as a partner. You want to reassure your partner that they are your number one. You guys do this together and come home together. Your swinging experience is temporary, but your relationship is eternal.
Insecurity – Your partner may begin to wonder why you want to play with others. Is it because they’re not good enough for you? Everyone has some insecurity about his or her body, sexual performance and other things. You need to remind your partner that they are perfect for you. Surprise them by complimenting them more often and expressing your feelings about their sexy bodies. Try to give them the cooking analogy of before. Having the best steak for dinner is great, but sometimes it’s nice to have a cheeseburger for dinner – just for a change. The cheeseburger isn’t any better, but it’s fun because it’s different. Plus, it reminds you to appreciate your great steak!
The grass is always greener across the street – Another big concern your partner might have is that you try to use this to find a replacement for them. Swinging can be a safe way to protect your relationship while adding variety to your sex life. The swingers lifestyle is filled with other happy, long-lasting couples. They are not looking to run away with you, even if you would beg them. Playing with other swinger couples helps protect you from single people or recently divorced people who are looking for an emotional bond. The single people in the swingers lifestyle are awe-inspiringly grounded and respectful of couples, otherwise they would have been politely banished.
Fear – Even if you’ve been clear about how much you love and appreciate your partner, and they have faith in your relationship, there is still the fear of being rejected as swingers or the health risks of having sex with others. So go slowly and work together. Between your two smart minds, you can make this happen in a safer way, without damaging your relationship. You can take precautions, such as agreeing on safety rules. For example, you can have a personal swinging rule that you do not swing within 50 miles of your home or office. You can both read about safer sex practices to minimize your health risks. We’ll talk more about how to minimize your risks so you can maximize the excitement.
So, how do you communicate your true feelings to your loved one? You can watch some sexy swinger movies together. You can share your feelings about the movie afterwards, including what scenes turned you on the most. Next time you’re in the bedroom, see if your partner wants to play some of the scenes from the movie. Watching porn together is common, even with vanilla couples, and it’s a great way to respond more to each other’s wishes and fantasies.
All this sexy communication can result in your partner expressing a strong opinion against swinging. Take that at first glance, and treat it like a red light. Respect their opinions, and don’t force them. Trying to force your partner to accept something he or she doesn’t like will harm your relationship. Having patience and respecting your partner’s feelings will reward you in the long run. You might find that their opinion about swinging evolves as you continue to explore your sexuality together. You can keep the discussion open without putting pressure on your partner, which can lead to them eventually embracing the lifestyle. It’s common to hear swingers say how they talked about the swingers lifestyle for years before they eventually felt confident enough to take the plunge. So relax and don’t rush. There will still be enough sexy swingers to welcome you as soon as you and your partner are both comfortable enough to step inside.
If your partner hasn’t expressed an opinion about swinging and doesn’t seem to be bothered by depictions of the swingers lifestyle in movies or on TV, you can take a test balloon to feel your partner. Maybe you can tell him or her that you want to play a swingers fantasy. Even if your partner reacts positively to the idea and enjoys role-playing, it doesn’t mean he or she is ready to enter the swingers lifestyle. Don’t rush.
Let your partner progress at his or her own pace. If you conduct the conversation too loudly and too quickly, you will go outside their comfort zone and the result is rarely a happy one. Be smart and stay patient. Is it so awful to keep having sex with just one person when that person is the most amazing person you know? If your partner has an open mind, it’s likely that the hot fantasies will turn into a desire to get one step closer to swinging. Assuming everything is a green light, or at least neutral, keep moving forward – thumb by thumb.
Before we started the lifestyle, we liked to watch Swing on Playboy TV. Swing is a reality show with experienced, real swinging couples who welcome a newbie couple into the lifestyle. It takes place in a private mansion and has some delicious eye-catching sweets! The experienced couples coach the newbie couples to see if they are ready to enter the lifestyle or if swinging might not be a good idea for their relationship.
It is a great resource for newcomers or curious vanilla couples. It does a great job to demonstrate the sex positive atmosphere you will encounter in the swinging lifestyle. It is super fun to watch, a little educational, sexy as heck, and a great way to start a conversation with your partner. Even if you don’t decide to test the swinging water, watching Swing is a great way to start a sexy, intimate evening with your lover.
To watch this show you can sign up for Playboy TV or just Google “Playboy TV Swing Episode” to find it online. Ask your partner if they want to watch this interesting, sexy reality show you found. Create a comfortable, sensual atmosphere. Maybe open a bottle of wine, put down some chocolate or snacks and cuddle with your partner to watch an episode. Take the time to compliment your partner during the show. Let your partner know that they look better than the sexy people on screen. The more you reassure your partner that you find him or her sexy, the more likely he or she is to look swinging without fear or uncertainty.
Keep hugging after the episode or take your partner to bed with you. If there’s a relaxing moment, ask your partner if he or she was ever curious about what a real swingers-clubs/">swingers club looked like. Would they ever want to visit one, just to sniff – without exchanging? Remember, it’s usually best to take baby steps. You don’t want to scare your partner. Keep thinking of ways to show and communicate how much you love them and your relationship.
After all this communication and testing, you should feel good about how your partner feels about the lifestyle. Conversely, your partner will realize that you are interested in swinging. This does not mean that you or your partner is ready to swing. Chill out. There’s no rush. There’s always another sexy swinging party, so there’s no reason to rush into something you and your partner aren’t ready or willing to deal with. You can also check out the many swinger podcasts that offer great entertainment and useful information for people new to the swinging lifestyle.
Don’t forget to take it easy. Don’t rush.
The very, very slow & patient approach is often the most successful path.